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“Don’t make this tragedy,” advises the candidate of pedagogical sciences Marina Arromstam. – It is worth recognizing for the teenager the right to his own territory. “.

“Don’t make this tragedy,” advises the candidate of pedagogical sciences Marina Arromstam. – It is worth recognizing for the teenager the right to his own territory. “.“Not only does a teenager do not remove in his room. He demands that you do not wipe the dust on his table, do not put scattered wheels and pieces of paper in piles. Perhaps he even stated that he would like to cut the castle into his door so that the “outsiders” would not enter it without knocking. “Outsiders” is primarily – parents. He no longer remembers, does not want to know with what love you repaired the nursery, chose furniture together and placed books and toys on the shelves. Now he sees in this room only his own territory, on which others encroach.

A small child with pleasure shares the occupied space with parents, whom he feels part of himself. The teenager, on the contrary, lives “for the gap”. It is important for him to feel like a separate, self -sufficient. He, like an animal, is ready to “mark” his territory

to convince himself and others of his own rights. But he still greatly depends on adults, extremely needs your love and, most importantly, understanding. At heart, he expects from his parents to help him become independent.

Recognize the primacy of the child on this piece of space. Yes, now you have to stipulate the opportunity to get out, rearrange something on the shelves or replace furniture. But, if the child has been accustomed to cleanliness since childhood, he is unlikely to object to him if you ask: “Maybe I (or someone else) after breakfast I will wash the floor in the room?”Ask him to surpass from yourself when he will be comfortable. And it’s good if he found time to figure out his table and wipe the dust that does not benefit his equipment.

It is unlikely that such an appeal will cause resistance, because in this way you emphasize its “property law” and only offer help. As for the need to knock, make this a rule even before the child himself formulates it. But ask him and knock him in your room. After all, we are talking about mutual respect, and you just emphasize that you are ready to see an individual in a child. The same as you yourself “.

In every love triangle there is a third party. And you need to part with her so that the couple becomes a couple again. How to do it? The family psychotherapist tells.

In our culture, there are no models of good parting, and this applies not only to love: we enter into relationships each time as if for life, but we part bloody. Not so long ago, a “good” divorce appeared: the idea that, ending the relationship, you can go from them to a different quality – friends, parents, friends, not necessarily enemies.

But if we are talking about treason, to complete an affair with the third is necessary to maintain a relationship with the main partner. This is humane and in relation to the third, in order to avoid self -deception – “we just drink coffee together” and the risk of resuming relationships and a new farewell. Everyone suffers from such repetitions.

Make the priority to whom we made an oath of allegiance

And we must say goodbye to the lover (-see), ask for forgiveness and explain everything, taking responsibility for our decision to enter into these temporary relations.

It should be said to the partner: “I’m sorry, it happened,” and another: “I’m sorry that I allowed myself to play and caused you pain. I am finishing our relationship “. Without shifting responsibility: “wife demands” or “husband is dissatisfied”, not hiding behind a partner.

Say goodbye as you cheated: in personal contact, eyes in the eyes. SMS is suitable for this only if the novel was virtual

Give a third party the opportunity to speak out in response

Announcing the parting, we cause the third party to the pain, so she has the right to do so, even if it is unpleasant for us to hear. Firstly, this is necessary to truly complete the relationship, without leaving myself loopholes: “I will block on the network, and then I can unlock”. Secondly, this is adult and healthy behavior: part with a lover or mistress as you want to part with you. So that you can respect yourself.

If this was not just a “technical” intrigue, but a living relationship with a living person, then something valuable will leave him from our life. This may be a real grief – lose a lover or mistress, especially if he or she has already become a friend, dear person. And this grief of the changing one has to go through, and survive alone: it will be too difficult to hear about it to the main partner.

Do not demand to immediately forget the third or take revenge on him

It is not only unrealistic and cruel, but also dangerous. Those who have learned about treason often have a desire to ensure that the “separation” or lover is punished, humiliated, kicked out of

work. This is how the displaced anger, intended for the culprit, that is, the partner, because the lover did not give us an oath of fidelity: the one with whom we are in a relationship is to blame for treason.

What can be said about who is bad about the one who has recently trusted something intimate and personal? Do not forget that the ability to harm another person means that on the opposite side of the barricades you can be and you yourself.

There is no good relationship with one woman and bad to all other and vice versa. Looking at how the partner parted with the one who was loved, we can draw conclusions about how he would react to us, if we were in this place. The injured partner will win if he concentrates on compensation for damage caused to him, and not on causing the same damage to the third party.

Due to an incurable disease, which gradually deprives me of the opportunity to move and causes physical pain, depression is intensified. I can’t get distracted, since I am in a closed space. Every day I lose mobility, the ability to do something.

Friends gradually “evaporated” due to the lack of reasons for communication-their life is seething, we have disappeared them for communication. The family is also very suffering because of me, which makes me even harder to endure my position.

It is not possible to treat antidepressants due to disease contraindications. I wanted

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to find a psychologist, such as in foreign films who listens to you, but did not find. All is not that. Can I, in principle, do something in order to save myself from the worst? I’m afraid for my life.

Olga, I sympathize with you very much. I am sincerely sorry that you are in such serious condition.

You write that you are in a closed space. That is in the room? Do you have the opportunity to watch movies? Can you listen to audiobooks or performances? Can you use the Internet? You wrote to our magazine, maybe you should try to write on social networks and find those who experience your feelings and share their experience with them?

What doctors tell you? What methods of support do they offer? Your case probably had repetitions, and there are help options. It is a pity that you can not use antidepressants, but maybe the doctor will be able to choose sedative and analgesic drugs.

You don’t write what exactly you are sick

Is there a chance to confront progressive pain? You can do something yourself for your body? There are, for example, mental body training. You can read the Internet on the Internet how people do the exercises by force, without getting out of bed and only imagining that they are moving. A small muscle movement accelerates the metabolism and brings joy.

What do relatives offer you? They can look for a psychologist with you? They, of course, worry. They listen to you? You can tell them stories from your life, cases from their life. What is happening now at their work, in the family: their problems, joy, meetings and parting – this will help to get out of the closed circle of pain and fear from illness.

Friends whose life is seething can talk about what is happening in it?

They are interested in telling, but you are interested in listening? You can rejoice in their “movement” or it hurts you to compare them with you? You can discuss not only events, illness, but thoughts and feelings, argue about values.

You can keep your diary of feelings and emotions. These are notes only for you. You can slander the recorder, imagine what you are talking to who you like. If you are a believer, then there are a lot of listeners next to you, understanding and sympathetic.

Your illness is a difficult test for all. For you, for those who love you, for doctors who are aware of their powerlessness. Try to find rays of joy, look for what may interest you, do what you can do, and a little more – do not give up.