In every love triangle there is a third party. And you need to part with her so that the couple becomes a couple again. How to do it? The family psychotherapist tells.
In our culture, there are no models of good parting, and this applies not only to love: we enter into relationships each time as if for life, but we part bloody. Not so long ago, a “good” divorce appeared: the idea that, ending the relationship, you can go from them to a different quality – friends, parents, friends, not necessarily enemies.
But if we are talking about treason, to complete an affair with the third is necessary to maintain a relationship with the main partner. This is humane and in relation to the third, in order to avoid self -deception – “we just drink coffee together” and the risk of resuming relationships and a new farewell. Everyone suffers from such repetitions.
Make the priority to whom we made an oath of allegiance
And we must say goodbye to the lover (-see), ask for forgiveness and explain everything, taking responsibility for our decision to enter into these temporary relations.
It should be said to the partner: “I’m sorry, it happened,” and another: “I’m sorry that I allowed myself to play and caused you pain. I am finishing our relationship “. Without shifting responsibility: “wife demands” or “husband is dissatisfied”, not hiding behind a partner.
Say goodbye as you cheated: in personal contact, eyes in the eyes. SMS is suitable for this only if the novel was virtual
Give a third party the opportunity to speak out in response
Announcing the parting, we cause the third party to the pain, so she has the right to do so, even if it is unpleasant for us to hear. Firstly, this is necessary to truly complete the relationship, without leaving myself loopholes: “I will block on the network, and then I can unlock”. Secondly, this is adult and healthy behavior: part with a lover or mistress as you want to part with you. So that you can respect yourself.
If this was not just a “technical” intrigue, but a living relationship with a living person, then something valuable will leave him from our life. This may be a real grief – lose a lover or mistress, especially if he or she has already become a friend, dear person. And this grief of the changing one has to go through, and survive alone: it will be too difficult to hear about it to the main partner.
Do not demand to immediately forget the third or take revenge on him
It is not only unrealistic and cruel, but also dangerous. Those who have learned about treason often have a desire to ensure that the “separation” or lover is punished, humiliated, kicked out of
work. This is how the displaced anger, intended for the culprit, that is, the partner, because the lover did not give us an oath of fidelity: the one with whom we are in a relationship is to blame for treason.
What can be said about who is bad about the one who has recently trusted something intimate and personal? Do not forget that the ability to harm another person means that on the opposite side of the barricades you can be and you yourself.
There is no good relationship with one woman and bad to all other and vice versa. Looking at how the partner parted with the one who was loved, we can draw conclusions about how he would react to us, if we were in this place. The injured partner will win if he concentrates on compensation for damage caused to him, and not on causing the same damage to the third party.